The Asthma Attack
by Sarahnewder
Summary: Tina's childhood asthma seems to be bothering her again. Bette is the only one who knows and the only one who is able to help her. The problem is that helping her isn't always the right thing to do...
1. Chapter 1

I sighed as I – Tina – was staring at Bette who was leaning over the crib Angelica was in. I could only just stop myself from making gagging noises as I heard Bette talking to Angelica with her childish voice. "Where's my little baby, were is she? There she is, look at her. You are one little beautiful baby aren't you, yes you are! You are mommy's little baby!". I walked over to the couch, and sat myself down as I looked out of the window. I hoped that women for child support would be here soon because I really didn't know how long I could take this. It had been ages since I had been with Bette in the same room, let alone without anybody else there to keep my mind of her. I just hoped that it wouldn't take too long because being nice to Bette was absolutely not what I felt like doing right now. The only thing I could be to Bette right now was angry, furious for everything the bitch had done to me.

I was awakened from my thoughts when the doorbell rang. Bette looked up from Angelica and looked at me as if to warn me before she went over to the door and let the women in. She looked at me and gave me a smile, a smile that actually looked quite genuine if you asked me. As she sat down, gave me a quick peck on the lips and put her hand on my knee. I had to do my best not to push her hand away and give her and angry look back but I was just able to stop myself. The soft sounds Angelica was making from across the room kept me from hitting Bette in the face and walking straight out the door. I knew I had to get myself together, I had to do it for her.

As soon as Bette had closed the door behind the women I sighed deeply, it was over. We had done it. Surprisingly it went quite well and it seemed like we had really thrown of the 'couple' thing really well. We had seemed a happy family as soon as I was able to convince myself I had to go on with it. It seemed like Bette too felt like it went well, and we both couldn't help but smile at each other. The happiness didn't last long though. We had achieved this together alright, but I still felt the exact same way about her, and I knew it would never change. We both looked the other way and went on ignoring each other.

Without paying any more attention to Bette I got myself a drink and sat down on the couch. For some reason I felt a little weak, like all my strength had been used in the play we had been performing just a few minutes ago. It seemed like every movement I made was too much for me. Even the short trip from and to the couch had made me feel like I had just ran a complete marathon. It seemed hard for me to get my breathing back to a normal pace however hard I tried. The dry coughs that I couldn't seem to repress were certainly not helping.

"Are you all right? " Bette asked, as she looked over to from where she was standing, next to Angelica's crib. I looked up at her from where I was sitting, surprised by the sudden voice and by the sudden interest she seemed to be giving me. "Yeah" I said, absent mindly, absolutely not feeling like talking to her at all. 'Mind your own bussiness' it thought. She shrugged and turned around facing Angelica once again.

Ever since we had been together I had been amazed by the way Bette could see me through in a matter of seconds. She always knew when there was something on my mind, or if something was bothering me. She was always the first to notice when I wasn't feeling well. I could recall countless times when we left a party earlier because I couldn't take the warm, damp and smoky spaces too long. We would often leave after only a single drink. She would look me in the eyes, almost begging me to tell her the truth she could apparently read off my face. So I told her the truth of course, I would tell her I wasn't feeling quite well and I would rather leave. I knew I couldn't lie to her, she just knew me too well.  
I did my best to push the thoughts to the back of my mind, not wanting to recall the way we snuggled up in bed together minutes later, as soon as we would arrive home. Snuggling up to her was the last thing I wanted at the moment. The thought of doing anything other with her than vaguely looking at each other from a distance was way too much for me.

I had been caught up in my thoughts for quite some time when I realized that I really wasn't feeling all that well. My breathing still hadn't evened out and I couldn't help but cough every few minutes, even how hard I tried not to, scared of waking Angelica. Bette turned around every now and then and looked at me from out of the kitchen where she was preparing diner. I avoided her, not feeling like talking at all, especially not to her. Why couldn't she just ignore me, just like I was ignoring her?

I bent down and leaned over the table to take another sip of my soda. But before I could put my lips to the glass I started coughing again. This time it wasn't a short dry cough but a cough that felt like both my lungs were pulled out with it. And the worst thing was that it didn't seem to stop. I felt myself heating up because I could hardly breathe in between each cough. It felt like I was chocking on my own lungs. I carefully got up out of the couch and dragged myself to the room we used to sleep in. I passed through the door and grabbed the door knob to the bathroom after which I let myself fall on the toilet seat seconds later. I didn't want to wake Angelica, and I certainly couldn't stand Bette's eyes prying in my back any longer. The cool seat felt refreshing and at last my coughing fit seemed to be fading away. I hoped that with the fit, the whole feeling of choking would disappear all together, but it was then that I realized that it was only the beginning of something worse. It was then that I realized what was actually happening. It had been years ago since I last felt like this but no matter how long ago it was I last felt this way, I knew right away what was happening to me: I was having an asthma attack.  
When I was young I used to be rushed to hospital almost every year due to an attack. Twice they were only just in time to get me breathing again. As soon as I went into puberty it miraculously went away, only leaving me with an occasional attack. As soon as I reached my 20's it had almost left completely. I did still have an inhaler but it was buried somewhere in a closet because fortunately I hadn't needed it for a very long time. Even in the 8 years Bette and I were together I hadn't had a single attack.

My heart started racing after I realized what danger I was actually in. I had no medication and no one there who knew what to do, no one who could save me if it went all wrong... I knew that I had to stay calm and stop myself from panicking but I just couldn't find any comforting words to tell myself. I grabbed the toilet seat under me and threw my head back as I felt my chest tightening. It felt like my whole body was trying to help get some air in, but nothing seemed to be doing me any good. All of the energy that I had left was running out of my body with every labored breath I took and soon I couldn't sit up straight any more. I hunched over, and stared at the tiles on the floor as if to find comfort there. Once again a coughing fit took hold of me and hunching over even more, I know clutched my chest in pain after every cough. With every second I felt my chest closing up, as if someone was choking me. It felt like someone had put a brick on my chest, making it impossible to open it up and get in some air. Panic started to talk hold of my once again. I felt alone, I felt abandoned and not to mention really scared. When I was young my mother would always come and help me. She was the only one who could calm me down and reassure me during an attack. She would always find my inhaler and as soon as I heard her voice I knew everything was going to be all right. But now there wasn't anybody to help me. I always pushed everyone away if they offered help. I always thought I could do everything on my own but right now I wasn't too sure of that.

As if my thoughts had been spoken out loud, the door to the bathroom was thrown open and Bette barged in. I really didn't know why, but a wave of serenity came over me. She felt like my guardian angel, coming to save me. The warm feeling I used to have when she put her arms around me and nurse me till I fell asleep swept over met again when she kneeled beside me and put her arm on my back. "Tee..?"  
I couldn't see her face because I squeezed my eyes shut at the pain with every inhalation and exhalation, but I could see her sweet caring face before my eyes as she said: "You never told me you had asthma." I didn't know what I expected her to say, but this was absolutely not on my option list. My thoughts ran like wild, trying to figure out how on earth she knew what was happening to me but soon it felt like I didn't even have enough strength to think.

As if all of my strength had left my body I felt that I was having trouble even just sitting. I felt Bette's hand run along my back. She carefully put her arm under mine and helped me over to the bed. I felt her sitting behind me as she pulled me up to her chest. I started coughing again at the sudden movement and felt tears filling up my eyes as once again my chest tightened further**. **It hurt like hell, but at least the fear was gone now that Bette was there.  
"Honey, calm down. You'll be fine. Don't breath to fast, it'll only make it worse." Bette said calmy into my ear. It seemed like she really believed it would be all right and even though I wasn't too sure about that, something in her voice seemed to convince me. I leaned my head back, looking for Bette's warm comforting shoulder. She ran her hand through my hair and tucked it behing my ear. It felt how she stroked my back trying to ease the pain. Her touch made me feel safe and warm, like now that she was here everything was going to be ok.

I had calmed down a little after Bette's words but obviously the attack wasn't going to pass due to calm breathing and a soothing hand on my back. It was as if my body wanted me to know that, as if it wanted to tell me that it wouldn't let me win so easily. It felt like once again someone was trying to choke me. It seemed like one of the hands on my back had raped round my neck, the other pushing on my chest, forcing the last bit of air that was in it out. A wave of fear swept over me, pushing me deeper into Bette's body behind me. My breathing became so labored that after a few attempts to hopelessly draw in some air I had given up. Clutching my chest with one hand and Bette's leg next to me with the other, it felt like every last bit of energy dripped out of my body with the tears running down my face. I grabbed Bette's leg harder and harder, as if I couldn't pass out or die as long as I was holding onto her. I heard her voice once again "Breathe darling, please!" she said. I was really doing my best but every attempt seemed to lead to nothing at all. The only bit of air that went into my lungs ran past the mucus that was blocking my airways, making a loud, high pitched sound before being breathed out again, making the same wheezing sound. "Breathe with me T, feel my chest in your back? Match my breathing honey, please try!" even Bette who had sounded calm and strong up till now seemed stressed by the sudden worsening of the attack. The hope in me faded away.

I vaguely herd some noises next to me, but honestly the only sound I heard was my own wheezing. I could almost hear my own fear talking with every breath I took. I was at the point that it was going black in front of my eyes when all of a sudden the cool blue tube I had used so many times when I was younger was put between my lips. "Go on honey, just inhale this and you'll be fine. First exhale as deep as you can." Bette said reassuringly. It was as if her words gave me back my strength. She spoke with courage again, once again believing in her own words. I did as she said and then she pressed the canister, releasing the medicine into my lungs as I inhaled as deep as I could. I had no idea how or why she had the inhaler all of a sudden but all I could really think of was how much I actually loved her. All of the love I had felt for her for 8 years suddenly felt real again. I realized how much I actually loved her and how much she actually loved me. No one else would have done this for her after such a long fight, except for Bette. Her soothing voice and warm body against mine made me recall how much she had meant to me all along. How could I have ever let her go? Tears ran down my face again, this time not from fear or pain – at least not only because of them – but tears of regret, tears of joy. Regret of letting her go, joy of finally realizing how wrong it was.

At last my breathing started to get better. Unfortunately it wasn't a change that took place instantly with the inhalation of my meds but I could feel that my whole body could at last relax again. I drew in deep breaths, feeling the fresh air at last reach the inside of my lungs. I felt my complete body relax as the oxygen rushed through my veins. My muscles loosened up, finally talking the brick of my chest and giving me room to breathe. I sunk further and further into Bette's embrace, my head in her neck, smelling her sweet scent. I hadn't smelled it in aged but I recognized it right away. I had missed it and now that her smell was filling me up it felt like I somehow I was coming home.  
"Are you feeling better now? " Bette's voice sounded in my ear. Still unable to talk I nodded and did my best to smile through the tears still streaming down my cheeks. "Good" she replied as she reached for the inhaler next to the bed. "Here, take one last puff." She shook the device and waited for me to exhale deeply before bringing it to my lips for me to inhale the meds.

The attack was over, at last. My breathing had evened out and at last I could match Bette's breathing. I could have easily stood up and walked away but I didn't feel like going anywhere. I opened my eyes and took my head of Bette shoulder to look up at her face. She looked at me and smiled and I smiled back at her – a genuine smile this time, nothing like the smile during our convincing play earlier this evening. She leaned over and kissed my lips, it was only a short kiss of course because it was still hard for me keep my breathing calm but the touch of her lips made me shiver, just like it had done when we first kissed. I tasted the salt on our lips from our tears, making the kiss feel like magic, as if with the tears we shared our pain and joy all at the same time. I looked at her again, wiping the tears off my cheeks as I said: "Thank you" and after a long pause during which it seemed like I sunk in Bette's beautiful eyes: "I love you".  
She smiled, the smile she always gave me when she was intense happy about something, the genuine smile that made me feel like for one second the whole world was in peace. "I love you too" she said. With her words I put my arms around her, pulling her even closer to me, if that was even possible. She hugged me back and I felt her familiar body pressing against mine. I was never going to let her go ever again, never. I loved her and she loved me and that's exactly the way it was supposed to be.

The End.

Hi everyone! This is my first story and I would really like to hear what you all thought. I must apologize for my english! I hope it's not too bad, english is not my native language. I hope you enjoyed it.


	2. Chapter 2

**So this is the second chapter in 'The Asthma Attack'. Tina is having a little trouble with her asthma again after the attack she had four years ago. But will Bette give her a hand now that Jodie is there with them? The story starts off at the beginning of episode 10, season 5 at the bike ride for breast cancer.**  
**I would love to hear from you all what you think and if there should be a next chapter! Hope you enjoy the story!**

I had absolutely not been looking forward to this Subaru Pink Ride. I wanted to compete for Dana and make money to cure breast cancer in the future but it felt like for me, it meant 2 days together with Jodie and Tina and thus a nightmare. I knew it was going to be hard. Tina and I had agreed not to see each other anymore because we knew that as soon as we were alone, we couldn't stop ourselves from touching each other and if this happend in a public place it would be the same as giving ourselves away. Now that I knew we had to be around each other two whole days - with Jodie there watching us – I knew it was going to be really hard to keep my thoughts to myself. I was scared Jodie would notice our connection and I knew that if she would, it would hurt her more than I wanted. That just wasn't the way she should find out. I wasn't quite sure what wás the way to tell her though, but I knew for sure this absolutely wasn't it.

But there we were, all together at the start of the race: 'Team Dana'. I had convinced myself to go, telling myself that not going would be even more suspicious. And besides, there were a lot of others so it wouldn't be too hard to keep a fair distance between Tina and me. I decided to ride in front of the group, by myself. That way I wouldn't have to see Tina or Jodie and I couldn't be tempted to ride next to Tina. It worked the first few miles. I had some time to myself to think and take in the beautiful surroundings. It felt good to just breathe in the fresh air, clearing up my mind and finally being able to think straight again. It was after the first pit stop Tina appeared at my side all of a sudden. It made me jump up at first. I wanted to drive faster and pretend I hadn't seen her coming so I could continue ignoring her. But she arrived too quickly for me react, and as soon as she caught up with me and I saw her beautiful smile the thought of pushing her away seemed like mad. "Hi Tee!" I said as I looked over at her. "I wanted to tell you something, good that you came over." She looked confused and surprised that I really wanted to talk to her. "You look really great in those sweat pants." The words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them. It was just the first thing that came to mind as soon as I saw her. Fortunately she took it up as a joke.  
She laughed and went a little red before she turned her head to look behind her and saw Jodie ridding just a few feet behind us. She turned back facing me and shook her head, still laughing at my remark she obviously hadn't expected. I nodded, as if to say I agreed with her that we shouldn't be talking to each other, at least not if we were going to keep on having the same conversation we were having at the moment. She smiled at me one last time before she held in. I ended up in front of the group again and she landed up next to Shane and Alice. I was better this way. Even though I really wanted to see her and I would have pulled her off her bike and into the bushes if Jodie wouldn't have been there, I knew we had to restrain ourselves.

We had all stopped at the second to last pit stop for a quick bite. Fortunately everyone seemed to be having a lot of fun and I had certainly loosened up a little since the encounter with Tina. I had even dared to trade my place in front for a place next to Alice, seen as Tina was on the complete other side of the group. She seemed caught up into a discussion with Shane & Molly and it didn't look like they would be shutting up any time soon. I had to admit that I was having fun, despite the constant fear I had of suddenly having another awkward encounter with Tina in front of Jodie.  
The last few miles Tina had been ridding as one of the last ones of the group and I had found my safe space in front again. Tina arrived last at the pit stop and immediately sat down on a bench, not putting in much effort for starting a conversation or reaching over to take some coffee. I could only just stop myself from walking over and putting an arm around her. I could sense she needed comfort and I really wish I could give it to her. Tina really wasn't somebody to sit there so quietly with everybody around her chatting and having fun. I stayed were I was though and tried my best to not look at her so much. I convinced myself that she was just disappointed that we couldn't spend time together on this trip, that she was just pitying the fact that everyone was having fun with their lovers – Jenny and Nikki, Alice and Tosha, Molly and Shane, even max and Tim seemed to be having a good time – and she had to try her very best to keep as far away from me as possible while the only she (and I) really wanted, was to be as close to me as possible. I didn't blame her for sulking.

Soon we started off again and once again Tina and I took in our positions as if we had planned it this way. Once again I sunk into my own thoughts, glad that I had time to think things over for myself. It was a pity that even the fresh air and beautiful surroundings couldn't bring me to the right answer to my question: what on earth was I to do with my feelings and most importantly who was I to share it with?  
I was awakened from my thoughts by a group of screaming people that past me when I realized I still hadn't figured out how to deal with everything that was going on in my life, what my feelings actually meant and what I should tell Jodie. I looked up, looking if Tina too had passed me seen as the screaming group turned out to be a part of 'team Dana'. It seemed like a part of our group had decided to race each other to the camp site but I couldn't seem to spot Tina among the group that was already so far in front of me that I could barely hear them talk. I carefully looked behind me, seeing that there were still a lot of people from our team behind me, and this time I was able to spot Tina. To my surprise though it seemed like she was having trouble keeping up. She rode behind everybody who was left of our group, leaving more than only a few feet behind the group and herself. Her head hang down as if there was something to be seen on the ground and it didn't really seem like she was trying to catch up with the group either.  
My heart skipped a beat when I realized that something ought to be wrong with her. This was nothing like Tina at all! Her behavior at the last pit stop and now this! There was something wrong with her and this time I really couldn't convince myself that she was just feeling miserable for not being able to be with me. I had to think straight and try and figure out what to do. I couldn't just ignore her any longer, that was for sure.

As far as I could see, nobody had noticed that Tina wasn't able to keep up with the rest. I would have gone straight over to her if Jodie hadn't still been only a few feet behind me. But I couldn't hold it any longer. I really couldn't stand it any longer that there was something wrong with the person I loved the most and I had to tell myself I couldn't do anything about it. I had to do something and frankly I didn't really care that everyone could see it because after all I was one of her best friends and it was not like I was going to fuck her or anything. I was just going to see what was wrong, as a friend, that's all.

I shifted over to the side and stopped for a moment, letting the group pas. "What are you doing baby sis?" Kit said as she stopped pedaling for a moment while passing me by. "Tina is lagging behind, I'm just going to keep her company." I replied, choosing every word carefully so she wouldn't get suspicious for any reason. It seemed like she didn't really care because she shrugged and drove off towards the group. I looked behind me and saw Tina, still hunched over her steer. She had almost caught up with me so I slowly made my way to the middle of the road to meet her there. She jumped up as I came riding alongside her bike. She looked up at me and her eyes told me right away she felt troubled by something. "It's okay," I said to her, "I don't have to ignore you the whole trip do I? Besides, it seems like something is bothering you. I was worried." She looked down at her steer and nodded. It seemed like she was starting to drive slower and slower. I had to stop pedaling on order to keep up with her. The gap between the us and the group grew with every second.

"Bette, I…" Tina started. But she wasn't able to finish her sentence. She took a deep breath and coughed as she buried her face in her hands. She stopped pedaling and put her feet on the ground as soon as her bike had come to a stop. I braked and stopped next to her. I jumped off my bike before it had come to a stop, causing it to crash to the ground as I stumbled over it making my way to Tina.  
As soon as she started coughing I knew what was happening to her. I had heard her coughing like that before and I understood right away this was more serious than I had feared when I saw her lagging behind only a few minutes ago. I moved closer to her, putting my arm around her shaking shoulders. "Your asthma is bothering you again, isn't it?" I asked her, trying not to sound panicked. It took some time before her reaction came. As soon as she was able to stop herself coughing she looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Yes." Her voice was barely audible, she had obviously already been having trouble breathing for some time because there seemed to be no air left in her lungs to even speak. Even though I had barely heard what she said, the one word said more than enough. It was right then and there I realized she was really in trouble.

I carefully pulled the bike away from in between her legs and dropped it on the ground. I looked at her for a few moments and saw how she stood there in the middle of the road. Her head hang down, seeming like she had lost the power to keep it up. She looked really fragile and instable and as if she had just realized that herself, she bent down and put her hand on her knees trying to find grip there. She leaned into me as soon as I put my arm around her waist, scared she might fall over if wouldn't help her. She pressed her head against my chest and grabbed me with both hands as if she was just about to topple. I tightened my embrace and put my head next to her face. "Come one honey, let's go over to the side of the road and sit down." I don't know why I was telling her all this because it seemed like nothing I said really reached her. I could see in her with tears filled eyes that pain and fear were the only things that reached her right now.

I started walking slowly, pulling Tina along with me. Walking was hard for her and it apparently cost her a lot of energy because after she had hardly taken 5 steps she stopped. I knew that we weren't going to get anywhere if we were going to carry on like this. She had to sit down and gain strength to breathe. She really couldn't carry on like this for much longer without collapsing from oxygen shortage. I bent down, reaching for Tinas legs, swinging them over my arms. With my upper arm tucked under her arm and Tina's torso leaning into me, I carried her over to the strip of grass that was next to the road. I felt her tear stained eyes against my skin as she pressed her head against my neck. Her breathing sounded frightening loud all of a sudden now that she was so close to me. The sound of her troubled breathing scared me. I knew the attack was already quite severe, judging by the fact she wasn't even able to walk. The sound of her high pitched wheezing and the sound of her chocking every now and then made it all seem much worse than I already thought it was.

I put her down and sat myself down behind her so she could lean in against me as I sat up against a tree. Tina was now leaning in on me with her full weight and lay in my arms like a all of her spirit had left her body. I pulled her closer and hugged her, trying to get her to sit up to be able to breathe properly but it seemed like the only thing I was getting out of her were more wheezes and an overload of tears that ran down her face, numb with fear. In my head I was trying to find comforting words to tell myself, trying to convince myself everything would be alright in the end. The problem was that all that would come to mind was that Tina just wasn't going to make it. I couldnt think of anything that gave me hope and showed me everything would pass. How on earth could I help her if I myself was terrified of what was going to happen next?

Last time Tina had an attack, I luckily remembered that I had put an inhaler in the drawer next to my bed. I had found it between Tina's stuff just after she had moved out while I was taking out her stuff, banishing every single thing from the house that would remind me of her. It just didn't feel right though to throw it out. Nevertheless, the moment I found it I really felt like crushing it and throwing it away immediately. It felt like I was losing her more and more at that time, like somebody who had always been 'mine' ssuddenly became a stranger. Finding the inhaler felt like I found an important part of her life she hadn't shared with me, not even after 8 years together and it hurt. I wasn't able to throw it away though. Somewhere in the back of my mind I hoped that she would eventually come back and need it.

The problem was that now, I had of course not brought the inhaler and I was quite sure Tina hadn't either. Tina and I had been real good friends since I 'saved her ass', as she always referred to it. We had spent lots of time together the past few years, just as freinds. Especially the past few weeks we had seen each other about every day and it felt like our encounters seemed to get more intense every time we saw each other. But however much time I spent with her, since the attack more than 4 years ago she had never showed any trouble breathing again. Apparently she didn't have severe asthma so I wouldn't blame her for not bringing the inhaler, seen as it was so long ago she was reminded she even had it. I guess it just doesn't come to your mind to bring an inhaler unless you are confronted with the consequences. I couldn't help still asking her if she had brought i, just in case. Until I asked, I wasn't sure if she had the key to her own savior. Until I asked, there was a small chance that she had brought it and everything would be alright after all. I didn't have much confidence in hearing the answer I wanted to hear so badly though, but it was worth the try.

"Honey, did you bring your inhaler?" I asked it softly, afraid I might scare her talking iso loudly al of a sudden after a long silence during which only her breathing was to be heard. I felt her move restlessly in my arms as she tilted her head back and looked in my eyes. The tears were gone and were replaced by an awfully troubled look in her eyes. It was as if she had just seen a ghost and still couldn't believe it. She shook her head softly at my question and coughed as she hunched over and clutched her chest. It sounded like she was chocking on something. She tried desperately to draw in air every time she found a few seconds free from the coughing, but she would almost abruptly cough out her lungs a few seconds later. I leaned forward and ran my hands along her back, trying desperately to do something to ease the pain she was obviously in. "Tee, It's going to be alright. I'm here with you. Nothing can happen. Just relax." I spoke the words but they didn't seem to be coming from me. It was like someone was telling me to tell Tina this, just so she would calm down and breathe. I just hoped it did seem convincing to her because for me, it was all a lie. I wish I could start believing it myself.  
Tina did seem to be convinced that I was right. I felt how she fell into my embrace again and pressed her shaking body into mine. It seemed like she thought I really would be able to help her and get her through this. It was heart breaking to feel her so close to me, trusting I could help her but knowing I had to disappoint her in the end. But I knew I couldn't give up. I didn't want to disappoint Tina who trusted me. I was going to find a way to help her.. Eventually.

With every hesitation I heard in Tina's breathing, I started to realize more and more that I didn't have so much time left before Tina would pass out right here in my arms. I hadn't the slightest idea how long it had been since I pulled her off her bike and put her in between my legs but I knew for sure it was more than long enough for her asthma to take her over completely. I had do to something, now.

I reached into my pocket, taking out my cell phone and stared at the screen. Who on earth was I supposed to call? Nobody knew where we were, nor were to find the nearest inhaler to save Tina's life. Just as these thoughts were running through my head I felt the phone vibrate in my hand and saw the little screen light up. It showed the name of the person who was calling: Kit. I hastily put the phone to my ear smiled as I heard her say: "Baby sis, where are you and where's Tina? We all made it to the last pit stop. You're taking ages to get here." She spoke calmly, not insinuating anything about what we would be doing. I was really gratefull for that because having her think we were having fun together in the bushes was the last thing I could use. Before she could start her next sentence I interfered. "Kit, Tina's having trouble. Please drive back to where I held in to keep her company and bring your inhaler, and hurry!" I spoke softly and tried to sound as calm as possible. I didn't want to scare Tina by starting to panic.

Kit had apparently understood the message and quickly hung up. I sighed with relief as I put the phone back into my pocket. I knew now that I didn't have to worry about disappointing Tina anymore. Her trusting me had been for a reason. Why hadn't I thought of Kit before? When we were younger she had had some bad attacks and I was often the only person there to help her. That's why I knew how to help Tina the first time I found her in the bathroom. Keep her calm, tell her to breath slow and not to panic and most importantly make sure she wouldn't cry. Kit always told me that crying made the attack much worse than it already was but the fear and pain during an attack would make it really hard to stop tears from rolling down your face. Not many people knew that Kit still had trouble breathing every now and then, and she would rather keep it that way. She didn't want anybody to worry about her and it seemed like Tina too hadn't told anybody about her condition for the same reason. I didn't care really that Tina knew now about Kit's asthma. The only thing that mattered was that Kit always took her inhaler with her wherever she went. This time the inhaler was going to save the life of the love of her life. She couldn't be more grateful for it.

I spent the minutes before Kit arrived trying to calm Tina down and for the first time in ages it seemed to be working a little. She had stopped crying and she had found the strength to sit up straight and open up her lungs, finally breathing properly. Her breathing had even started to slow down and it seemed like at last she was hearing what I was telling her. I could hear the deep wheezy breaths she took as she once again buried her head into my neck. I knew she was still getting nowhere close to enough air, but it seemed a wee bit better than minutes ago. She at least didn't seem to choke on her own lungs with every cough anymore.  
"Good Tee, that's it. Just breathe, Kit will be here soon." I spoke with my head close to hers, running my hand through her beautiful blond curls and wiping the hair from her face that stuck to hre forehead, drenched with cold sweat.

It didn't take long for I spotted Kit approaching in the distance. She came closer fairly quick, obviously driving really fast. She threw her bike into the grass roughly and ran over to us. "I didn't know that.." she almost shouted to us - breahtless from the fast riding - before she fell on her knees before Tina.  
"Kit!" is whispered loudly. She wisely shut her mouth, reaching for the inhaler in her pocket and handed it over to me. She stared at the two of us, apparently shocked by the scene.  
Tina had stressed up a little now Kit had arrived. She knew that Kit was going to bring an inhaler but apparently something about her made Tina a little nervous. She started turning nervously in my arms, as if she couldn't find the right position. She started coughing again and squirmed out of my embrace as she bent over and grabbed her chest again. It was the first time since she had answered 'yes' to my question _if she was having trouble breathing_ that she started talking again, or at least tried to start talking when she said (or rather wheezed): "B..B… Bette.. I ccan't bb.. I..I .." She hadn't been able to say much but even these few 'words' were too much for her. She took a deep wheezy breath and started coughing again. Her words had been filled with so much fear that I had to do my best to stop the tears from running down my face. Her words had sounded like a cry for help, she sounded so helpless. I clutched the inhaler in my hand, begging it to be the answer to Tina's fear.  
I looked up at Kit and said: "Kit, maybe you should.." It was enough for Kit. She nodded, got up and looked worried at Tina for a second before she turned to me. "I'll leave you two alone. Take good care of her." She seemed to finally understand whispering was a better idea. She turned around, picked her bike up off the grass and rode off.

As soon as Kit had left I turned back to Tina. I had to get her calm so I could give her a puff of the inhaler. I put my hand on her back and lent forward. "Honey, calm down. I know you're having trouble breathing but it won't get better if you don't calm down." Rapping my arms around her waist I pulled her back into my embrace and held her against me so she could sit up straight. She struggled at first but it seemed like she understood that she had to let me help her in order to get this attack over with. I waited for her coughing to stop before I shook the inhaler. "Breath slowly now, relax. In.. and out, in... and out. That's right, not too fast." I tried to get her breathing to slow down but apparently it was really hard for her to breath any slower than she was at the moment. '_That's right' _was meant more to encourage her than to tell her she was actually doing better. She was absolutely not doing any better, actually she was even doing worse than before! I did however decided that this pace had to do, to give her her first puff. I knew that if she would be able to get only just a little bit of the meds into her lungs, she would soon start breathing better in order for her to take a deeper breath and get the meds deeper into her lungs.

"Exhale deeply darling." I said calmly. Even though it was a short exhalation, I felt that she was doing her best to do what I told her. "Now breath this in as deep as you can honey." I put the blue tube in between her lips. I felt how she grabbed my fist that was holding the inhaler with her clammy hands as if she wanted something to hold on to as she tried hard to inhale the medicine. I could feel she was really doing her best to inhale really deeply when I pushed down the canister but it didn't seem to work. However hard she tried, she only inhaled really briefly before she once again started coughing. With the inhalation the air could have hardly passed her throat, let alone reach her lungs. I felt so hopeless. I could talk to her and keep her calm, I could be there for her and I could get her the meds she needed but I just couldn't put the meds into her lungs. She really had to do this herself and if she wasn't going to be able to get any meds into her soon, there was nothing left for me to do.  
Apparently I wasn't the only one who started to get worried. I saw tears appear in her eyes again as she dropped her head on my shoulder. She tried to say something but I couldn't make anything more out of it than 'breathe'. "Ssshht. Don't talk Tee." I tried to shush her but honestly, the only thing I could think of was her petrified face with her bloodshot eyes as she hopelessly pushed out air, trying to form words.  
the hope I had had since Kit had brought the inhaler had almost gone completely, but her beautiful face – despite the tears – gave me the last bit of hope I needed to convince myself to keep on trying. It would work eventually, right?

"Honey, listen to me. You're going to be all right, ok? I promise with all my heart you'll be ok. We have the inhaler now and as soon you get this in your lungs everything is going to be over. We have to try again." I had to talk to her to keep her with me because it felt like her mind was slipping away every time she got caught up in her rapid breathing. "In through your nose, out through your mouth. Good, in through your nose, out through your mouth." At last it seemed like she understood what had to happen in order for the attack stop. She started breathing deeper and slower, finally! Her breathing wasn't uncontrollable anymore and it looked like she had found a way to calm herself. After a deep sigh, I put the tube between her lips and she finally took a really deep breath. She was even able to hold her breath for a few seconds after inhaling the medicine, which was a very good sign especially in her condition. It felt like at last my body could rest, my task had been done. Tina had finally received the treatment she needed and I knew now for sure everything was going to be allright. I put my head on Tina's that was still on my shoulder and kissed her forehead. "Good!" I whispered into her ear. And for the first time in what seemed like hours, I could see a smile appear on her face.

We sat there for an uncertain amount of time. Her breathing improved fairly quickly and after two extra puffs it seemed like she had at last overcome the attack. She still lay in my arms, snuggling up to me and eventually putting her arms around me and hugging me. I kissed her hair and put my head on hers, finally feeling like the love of my life was safe again. It was a great feeling to know that all of the danger had ceased at last. Half an hour ago I was still scared of losing her and now she was lying here in my arms, her arms around my waist, and feeling all better. I was at last free to love her again instead of feeling afraid of losing her. All that was left now was fatigue and exhaustion after all the effort we both put in the mission to get Tina breathing again.

Everything that had happened made me forget where we actually were and what we were doing before Tina's attack had started. I couldn't help but hope Jodie would come across us sitting here against the tree together. It would be so much easier for her to see us like this than to tell her everything that had happened between Tina and me in the past few weeks. The drive I had had before, doing my best to keep away from Tina had disappeared completely and had turned into the drive to be as close to her as possible. I had been so scared I was going to lose her that the others actually didn't really mean anything to me anymore. I really couldn't feel bad towards them for helping Tina the way I did and eventually showing how much I still loved her. Tina was the person that counted and I was going to tell them & Jodie, sooner or later…  
I pulled Tina in closer and kissed her temple as I said: "Tina, I love you." The big smile on her face was enough for me to know what she was thinking. "I love you too, Bette."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3. We start off at episode 7, season 6. Jenny slips to Tina about what she saw the other night after the gallery opening. Tina is devastated and is only convinced Jenny's right after she sees the photo Jenny took, showing her the harsh truth about Kelly and Bette.**

Tina's pov

I didn't feel like talking to Bette at all, especially not since I knew she was calling from work so she would be sitting next to the little rat while she would be pretending to be nice to me over the phone. This was about the fifth time the phone rang today, showing Bette's number in the display but I still wasn't intended to pick up. How dare she pretend to me like nothing had happened when actually she was having an affair with that bitch, eating her out the other night and probably even having fun together in their office this very moment? How could she do this to me after the promise she had made not too long ago? I thought that I could trust her but apparently she hadn't changed one bit. I had been fantasizing about this perfect family life for the past few weeks, at last feeling like I had found what I was looking for. Jenny's visit had changed everything and had sent all my fantasies right down the drain. The picture of our perfect family life in my head was smashed into a thousand pieces as soon as Jenny shut the door behind her.  
Since then I haven't been quite sure how to feel any more. For some reason I just can't cry, no matter how devastated I am. I felt like actually I should be mad at myself too, mad at myself for believing Bette's bullshit again. I was just blinded by love and caught up in the moment, believing her words of promise. I should have just stopped this from the very beginning. I shouldn't have allowed her to collaborate with her ex-crush, what was I thinking? From the moment Bette mentioned the collaboration I felt it wasn't right. I just felt that it wasn't going to work, especially after Kit said that she 'almost killed herself over Kelly'. I should have read the signs and stopped everything before it was too late. I guess I trusted her then and the only thing I could think was: why would I stop her from taking on a job that meant so much to her and not to mention to our bank account? We really needed money and my job wasn't going all that well. The collaboration seemed to come at a perfect seen as I knew Bette wasn't going to agree to move to New York for my job offer. O well, it didn't really matter anymore. The dream of moving there together with her had faded away ever since I couldn't erase the photo of Bette and Kelly from my mind. I didn't even need her money anymore now that we weren't going to be a family. I could move to New York by myself.

I sat on the couch for hours holding Angelica close to me as if she too was fading away together with Bette. Fortunately she fell asleep closely after diner so I had time to change before Shane arrived. Tonight was a special evening at Hit and of course we had all been invited, including Bette. Some popular band was going to perform at the club and Kit had been talking about it for the last few weeks as if **the queen** was coming to visit. I had thought of it for a second not to go, having no clue what so ever what to say to Bette. I didn't feel like having everyone listen to what we had to say to each other, if there was anything left for me to say to her that is. But I felt bad for Kit and Helena if I wouldn't show up, so I set my mind off the fact that Bette would be there too. I would just try not to talk to her and fortunately the music inside was mostly so loud that having a conversation was impossible.

Bette's pov

Kelly and I had had a really busy day at the gallery so I was glad I could finally step out of the damp office and into the streets. I really felt like going home first to take a shower before I was about to go into the crowded club, but I knew I unfortunately didn't have the time for it. James had brought my dress to the gallery and I had changed in the bathroom as quick as possible, trying to keep Kelly out and barging in on me half naked. That girl really didn't understand the word 'no'. How hard was it to understand that a teenage love – over 20 years ago - doesn't last forever? Time goes on and so do people.  
Unfortunately she isn't that easy to convince, especially not after a few drinks. The photo Jenny made was the unmistakable truth that she really didn't understand when she went too far. I still had no clue what she had actually photographed seen as nothing had happened, but it was obviously so convincing that she seriously thought that I was having an affair with this women. I was glad she hadn't told Tina because whatever was on the picture would be hard to defend seen as Jenny seemed really convinced of her right.

I stepped out of the car half an hour later and wondered what the band was called again as I walked up the steps and into the club. The whole Kelly thing had stressed me out so much that I just couldn't remember their name. I did feel sorry for Kit because it seemed like I didn't really care about her club seen as it meant so much to her. But honestly, the only thing I could think of was that I was at last freed from Kelly and I was going to see Tina again. For some reason I had missed her a lot more than I normally do since I last saw her. She had been on my mind practically the whole day and I would have given anything for her to pick up the phone at least once to have been able to hear her voice.

As soon as I entered the club the party had already started. It was very crowded and people were all packed around the main stage, jumping up and down to the music that the band was playing. I had to agree it did sound really great. I made my way through the people, pushing everybody aside that I came along, having absolutely no idea which way I was actually heading. The band had apparently brought their smoke machine, judging by the white haze that filled the space. The whole club was filled with some sort of fog that made the club feel even more crowded than it already was. I wasn't able to spot anybody after what had seemed ages walking in circles, seeing the same people over and over again. In the end I decided to sit at the bar and have a drink and try to text Tina to ask where she was. The text wasn't answered, she seemed to not have noticed it come in, so I tried Alice who fortunately texted back immediately: "We're in front of the stage, a little to the left." I got up and made my way through the people again. I was feeling lost again as I was once again surrounded by strangers, having absolutely no idea where I was when I happened to spot Jenny. I rushed over to her, and hugged her, realizing a little too late I was only happy to see a familiar face rather than being happy to see her. I had actually been hoping she wasn't going to be there at all but unfortunately she had showed up. I was scared she would spill to Tina and I really didn't trust her at all after all the things she had thrown the last couple of weeks. Luckily I spotted the rest soon after the awkward embrace Jenny and I had just had and I was able to set Jenny off my mind again. I decided I wasn't going to let her ruin the night.

We stood in a row up against the stage, seen as the crowd behind us pushed us towards the stage with every jump of excitement. I was the last person in the row on the left and Tina was on the other side which made the gap between us so big that even seeing at each other was impossible due to the thick smoke that came from the smoke machines that were now right in front of us. I had seen her this evening but it wasn't more than a faint hug before she walked back over to Shane. She wasn't ignoring me – at least, I hope she wasn't – but she did seem a little detached for some reason. No matter how badly I wanted to be with her, it seemed like she didn't really feel like it and I decided to let her be. I tried to convince myself that she wasn't ignoring me, because she wasn't, right? In spite of the huge urge I had to go over to her and kiss her I decided not to force anything tonight. Tina was grumpy or at least tired, and hugging and kissing in a public place wasn't something that would make her feel better. I knew she was having a rough time with her job, or rather the fact that she didn't have one anymore. I understood that she felt more like going out and having a good time dancing and drinking with friends rather than being with me the whole night. We had time enough to cuddle up together at home.

I spent the evening enjoying the good music and talking to Kit and Helena who had joined us a few minutes after I had found everybody. I had to say that I too felt more like partying than cuddling with Tina, although I wouldn't have minded a genuine hug and kiss as welcome instead of the absent minded hug I got, if that's what you can even call it.  
I hadn't looked over to where she was standing till later that evening - which fortunately didn't seem to be causing me as much trouble as I thought it was - but as soon as I turned around to look for her all the way on the other side of the group, I saw instantly that something was wrong. She had her hand in front of her mouth and – even though it was hard to see through the smokey air – it was obvious from her movements she was coughing. After what seemed as a coughing fit that took ages to recover from she just stood there, face down not talking to anybody, not showing any intention to dance or at least tap along with the beat.

I was a little shocked at seeing her like this and it seemed like it wasn't really getting to me yet what was actually happening. I stood there staring at her as she had a few more coughing fits and how eventually Shane who was standing with her back towards Tina turned around and put her hand on her back. I saw how Tina looked up and faintly smiled and nodded at a question Shane had apparently asked her. After something that seemed like a conversation between them Tina pointed towards the door and Shane nodded as she put her hand on Tina's back and pushed her through the crowd. It was then that I realized I had been standing there for god knows how long, just staring at what was happening like a complete idiot, not doing anything to help Tina even though I knew exactly what was wrong. This crowded, cramped, stifling and smoky place was the worst place for Tina to be right now, especially now that her asthma was bothering her again. Before I knew it I was running through the crowd, for as far as you could call it running that is, because with all of the people that were in my way it seemed like even crawling over to her would have been faster. I felt in my bag to be sure I had brought the inhaler this time.  
Ever since the attack during the Pink Ride I was really scared she would have another one and that there wouldn't be anybody there to provide an inhaler. Since the attack, I had brought it with me almost everywhere I went with Tina. It seemed like she didn't think of it as so serious and I knew she didn't bring it anywhere.

I had finally reached the door I had seen her go through just now with Shane. The cool wind welcomed me outside as I searched for the two who had disappeared in the crowd. Even out here it was packed with people smoking and making out. Luckily I spotted them quickly, sitting on a park bench further up the road, far from the smokers. As I approached Tina looked up but turned her head away as soon as she saw it was me.  
"Tina, are you okay?" I asked as I reached the two girls. Tina shrugged and looked back up at me as she said: "I'm fine, why wouldn't I?" I knew she was having trouble breathing, it was really obvious, but her words sounded as if she was doing her very best to make everything sound ok. She hadn't actually told me to leave but the way she said the latter gave me the feeling that she didn't want me there. I assumed she was just ashamed of the fact she couldn't put up with the smoke inside. Shane looked at Tina and then at me, looking very confused. She put her hand on Tina's back. "Are you sure you're ok? You don't have to pretend you are, we really don't mind." Shane's voice sounded sweet and comforting. It was clear she had no idea what was happening to Tina. She too assumed Tina snapped at me because she was afraid and ashamed of her situation.

"I know, but.." Tina tried to speak but her voice was weak and she stopped in the middle of her sentence to take a deep breath. It was obvious she was about to start coughing but she seemed to just be able to suppress it making a noise like she was scrapping her throat instead.  
She had apparently found a little bit of air because she was able to speak again, even though it was really softly. "I'm fine. Go back inside, I'll be right in after you." She faced the ground as she spoke and looked up one last time as she gave us a forced smile as if it was our last hint that she really meant what she had just said.  
I was really worried about her because I knew she absolutely wasn't feeling well. I knew though that she really wanted us to leave and despite of the huge urge I had to stay with her and give her her inhaler, I obeyed. Shane and I left Tina outside and went back to the other inside. Shane had apparently believed her words of reassurance and went on partying as if nothing had happened. I couldn't keep Tina of my mind though. I just hoped she had brought an inhaler herself for once and that that was the reason she wanted us to leave, so she could use the inhaler without anybody seeing it. I didn't know how long I could take it though, waiting for her to come back in. The truth was I didn't have any confidence in the fact that she had taken her illness seriously for once and brought the medicine that were so important for her.

Tina's pov

There I was, on a park bench at two in the morning outside club, feeling like I was going to die. From the moment I had entered the club I knew it wasn't going to be a good night for me. Going to Hit was never a good night for me. Since the first asthma attack since my childhood at Bette's house I hadn't been able to stay the whole night at a club, especially not Hit where it seemed like everyone had reinvented smoking the moment the stepped through the door. I did make it home every time though and it was always in time to take my inhaler in time, before my chest tightness pulled me into an attack. This time though it felt different. The smoke machines made everything even worse than it already was, and the fact that the whole city apparently didn't want to miss the band playing didn't help either, leaving even less oxygen for me.  
I had been able to keep it to myself this evening for quite a long time. Shane and I had arrived at ten, which meant that I had been able to manage for over four hours inside. As soon as I started coughing though I knew it was going to get bad. I should have left earlier to stand outside to prevent myself from having the attack in the first place but I didn't want to alarm anybody. Besides, I'm always ashamed of myself if I have trouble breathing. I'd rather not tell anybody, I just hate it when everybody feels sorry for you. I want everyone to have a good time and having someone there who has to go outside at least every hour and has to be taken care of just isn't what everyone is waiting for during a night like this. I would rather sit out here alone and have an attack than ruin everyone's evening.

Bette was the only one who knew I had trouble breathing every now and then. She had seen me having trouble at the club a few times before and she always believed me when I said I was all right and that I was going to make it home. The fact was, up till now it was always the truth when I told her that. I knew that just now when I told her I was fine she hadn't believed me at all, but for some reason she had left as I had asked her more or less. I was glad she walked off. I really didn't feel like talking to her at all, especially not now she had been lying straight to my face the whole night. She hadn't really said anything, but maybe that was the whole problem: she just wasn't going to tell me! The only reason I hadn't hit her in the face after she followed us outside was because I knew she had brought an inhaler. But even the fact that she was carrying the device that could save my life wasn't enough for me to keep her there with me. I would be fine.. That was what I was trying to tell myself at least.

I was glad that most people that had been smoking outside had left. The few people that were left stood close to the entrance and fortunately their smoke couldn't reach me. I knew that one more breath of smoke would really suffocate me. I had been outside alone for god knows how long and the attack was really starting to kick in right now. The coughing didn't seem to stop, tightening my chest even further. I clutched my chest in pain, as if I could pull the skin up and ease the tightness. At this point I was really scared. It was unbelievably hard to slow my breathing down which made me panic even more than I already was. Even my own wheezing – which was now to be heard with my inhalation as well as my exhalation – sounded more frightening than it had ever done. It felt like my own body was giving up on me, as if it was telling me I had really gone too far this time. Every breath felt like the last one, breathing out the last bit of air that was left inside of me. I had come to a point that it seemed like no air at all entered my lungs with every inhalation, only costing more of the little energy that I had left. Even the use of every single muscle in my body to draw in some air didn't seem to be enough anymore. It sounded stupid, but right now I would give everything for my inhaler, even if it meant that I had to see Bette. I just needed somebody there with me because I now understood that I just wasn't going to make it on my own. I felt that I wasn't going to hold it a lot longer without meds for too long seen as I was now almost lying on the bench rather than sitting on it due to immense fatigue. My body had lost the strength and, just like when I was younger, I longed for someone to give me back the power to breathe again, the power to make it through the attack.

That was the moment I realized that Bette was the one I needed, the only one I needed. No matter how much I hated her right now for lying to me and cheating on me again, I knew she was the only one who could help me. The rest probably didn't have the slightest idea what could be going on with me. They had probably already even forgotten I was out here on my own. I knew Bette had by no means forgotten I was still out here. I had seen by the look on her face she knew I was having trouble breathing. How could I have sent her away? I knew she was the only one who knew about me and also always carried an inhaler with her. Why hadn't she come outside to check on me? That last thought was pushed form my mind instantly, the explanation wasn't hard to give. She hadn't come out here because I had been so harsh to her, sending her away. I couldn't really blame her. Besides, she was probably making out with Kelly in the V.I.P. room this very moment. I had probably left her thoughts the moment she entered the club, being immediately replaced by Kelly.

My thoughts brought tears to my eyes, making me cry like a little kid. It certainly didn't help my breathing, if not making it even worse. I tried my best to stop the crying and concentrate on my own breathing but it only seemed to get worse. The pain and anxiety seemed to be taking over me, and there was nothing I could do about it.

Despite the fact I couldn't do anything about it, I knew somebody else could, and it wasn't too long before that person came. Together with the hundredth failing breath and the thought that it was the end, a hand ran along my back and picked me up from the bench, pulling me up against a strong warm body. As soon as I realized that it was Bette's hand that was raped around me I wanted to push her away from me, suddenly remembering that the hand could have been raped around Kelly just a few seconds ago. I let go of my chest and put my hand on her arm but it was no use. I didn't even have enough strength to breath, let alone push away Bette's strong arm. Besides, why would I push her away a second time? I knew I needed her and to be honest, the her warm body against mine didn't seem to bother me that much. Her gentle voice in my ear was the last thing I needed to realize that she was the only one I had actually longed for to come and help me all the time. Ever since I saw her walk back into the club with Shane I longed for her to be there with me and help me through the attack like she had done before. The anger in me blocked that thought but now the attack had reached the worst part I was able to look past it. After all the love I had felt for her for all this time and not being able to act on I couldn't stay mad at her for too long, knowing she was the one I wanted.

"Breathe Tee, breathe." Bette's voice sounded soft and sweet but determined. I dropped my head on her shoulder, the tears streaming down my face again, but this time of joy and relief.  
I felt how her body trembled behind me as she shook the inhaler before bringing it to my mouth. I inhaled it greedily and felt how it reached my lungs instantly, giving me the feeling that this one puff had already saved my life. "Kelly was drunk and dropped her glass, I was cleaning up after her." Bette spoke the words out of the blue without telling me what she was talking about but I knew exactly what she was on about. The photo Jenny had showed me had been in my mind the whole night and I immediately understood that Bette was explaining what the photo showed. In my head I had already forgiven her for going with Kelly, just wanting to be with her after all of these years having to keep at a distance. But now, I knew that she hadn't broken her promise again. Her words explained everything and gave me the strength to believe that Jenny was wrong about her and Kelly. I knew now she was to be trusted, just like she had said. I had still had some hope after seeing the photo that it wasn't true but uptil now there just wasn't anything that gave me reason to believe that. I sighed deeply with relief and gave my body over to Bette's, it had never felt so good.

The only question that remained was why Bette started about the picture out of the blue but honestly, at the moment I didn't care what the reason was. I just couldn't be happier to sit here in Bette's arms, at last being able to get air in my lungs and breathe normally. My chest did still hurt but my mind was kept off it for most of the time by her hand running through my hair and the kisses she pressed on my forehead every now and then. It felt great being able to lean in against her chest and feel her breathing behind me, reminding me of how normal breathing was supposed to be. I had at last found the strength to try and breathe the same way, together with Bette. It felt like at the same time it gave me the strength to think about me living the same way as Bette and Bette living the same way as me, together, forever.

Bette's pov 

Jenny had at last agreed to let me go outside to Tina. Ever since I had entered the club after being sent away by Tina she had been annoying me. I had approached her right away, feeling like beating her up in the middle of the club for everyone to see. I knew that the only reason for Tina sending me away, carrying the inhaler she needed so badly, could be Jenny telling her about me and Kelly. Or at least, what she thinks what is going on between me and Kelly.  
Jenny had indeed told Tina as it turned out, but she didn't seem to feel sorry about it at all. It seemed like she felt really good of herself for telling Tina, like some good friend who can't stand somebody cheating behind someone's back. I decided not to start about the fact that she told Tina because I couldn't blame her for trying to help Tina. The only I was worried about now was tha fact that she just didn't seem to understand she was wrong and that there was nothing between me and Kelly. I had to calm myself to not do terrible things to her because it seemed to take me ages to convince her that nothing had happened. She at last showed me the photo she had taken. "So, how can you explain this?" She said the words as if she knew for sure she had me now, and was quite shocked to hear me laugh and explain what was actually on the photo. Against my expectations, she believed my explanation. I wasn't up till now that she seemed to feel a little sorry for what she had done. She finally let me through, at last admitting that maybe I wás the person Tina needed right now.  
I couldn't wait to run outside and tell Tina the truth, at last holding her close to me again and proving to her that I was able to keep a promise just like I had told her.

There I was, finally. I sat on some random park bench, in the middle of the night in the cold, but it didn't seem to bother me at all. The only thing that mattered was that I was holding Tina again, holding her close to me as she at last was starting to feel better. I just couldn't stop thinking of our perfect life together, never having to let her go again and not letting her have attack's this bad ever again. It all felt so perfect despite the fact that Tina was still wheezing and coughing my arms.  
I held her even closer and hugged her as she put her head on my shoulder and I pressed a kiss on her forehead. 'I'm here honey, you'll be fine. Just breathe slowly, that's it.'  
My words seemed to be sinking into her really quickly and it wasn't too long before she had found the strength to turn around and face me, pushing herself up against my arms. She looked into my eyes and before I was able to drown in her gaze she pressed a kiss on my lips and dropped her head on my chest before folding her arms around my waist. "I love you.'' The words were hardly louder than a whisper but they had never sounded so real. It was as if I had been waiting for these words the whole evening. A tear ran along my cheek as I said softly: "I love you to. I have never loved you more."


End file.
